[The Anglicanorum Coetibus Society gratefully receives this essay from Shea Gilliland introducing Loss & Gain, a fellowship of former Anglican clergy now in the Catholic Church. They are dedicated to sharing their experiences of coming into full communion with the Catholic Church, and walking alongside those considering the same decision, following St. John Henry Newman’s example of intellectual rigor and personal humility.]
On July 3, 2018–the Feast of Saint Thomas the Apostle– at a little evening Mass at St. Mary the Virgin Catholic Church in Arlington, Texas, my family and I received the sacrament of Confirmation and were received into the Catholic Church. During the Confirmation rite, the priest called me by chosen Confirmation name, John Henry (for St. John Henry Newman), but just a few months prior, I was more used to being called “Deacon Shea.”
Perhaps the loneliest moments of my life were spent as a transitional-deacon in the Episcopal Church, awaiting what should have been the joyful date of my ordination to the priesthood. Of course, I had heard all the anecdotes of Anglican clergy doing what I was increasingly convinced God was telling me I must do, but I hadn’t ever known anyone personally who had done it, and few but my wife and spiritual director knew that it was keeping me up at night. I had heard (and made) the joke many times, “Anglicanism is a halfway house for Evangelicals on the road to Catholicism,” but now that I was getting ready to tell my bishop I could not take the vows required for ordination to the Anglican priesthood, it hardly seemed like a joke to me.
But forsaking my ministry–my training, my vocation, my community, my livelihood…these were all things I knew I must do. It has been over three years, but I still don’t know any better way to answer the question “Why did you become Catholic?” than by saying “Because God told me to.” I don’t say this to be trite; through His Scriptures, through Sacred Tradition, through His Mother, and by His Holy Spirit, God really did make it clear to me that He wanted me to become Catholic, and that the loneliness and anxiety I was experiencing wouldn’t rest until I rested in Him. Friendships, self-worth, careers…these are some of the many things that Newman had in mind when he wrote his semi-biographical novel, Loss and Gain. I was about to experience the Loss side, and I knew that, but what I didn’t anticipate was how much I had to gain.
Thanks be to God, my feeling of loneliness didn’t last very long at all after I converted. Soon after becoming Catholic, I noticed more and more friends, acquaintances, and sometimes total strangers, reaching out to me to talk about my journey. Many of these seekers reached out, always in confidence, from the midst of their active ministries as Anglican clergyman. I tried my best during these conversations not to proselytize, but to simply tell the truth about my conversion experience: what had led me to the Catholic faith; how I had wrestled with the challenges of leaving ministry behind, hurting Anglican friends, parishioners, mentors; how (and often with whose help) I had faced the fear of leaving behind my financial security and confronting a career change. I found that these conversations were mutually enriching. Helping my brothers and sisters work through their own anxieties and questions about leaving behind something they loved for something they knew God was calling them to reinforced my faith that I was somehow on the path God had set for me. And as many of these seekers eventually became Catholics, we all felt the same sense of mission to help others who were on a similar path.
Our community, Loss and Gain, is the fruit of many conversations between this group of friends who had been through such a unique experience: leaving behind a life we thought we had been a lifelong (and certain) calling to ministry in Anglicanism, to a life shaped like a big question mark. What was God asking of us, by calling us to lose our sense of vocation and home in Anglican ministry, and gain membership in the Catholic Church? We created this community in order to help others who might be in a similar position (whether lay or ordained, Anglican, otherwise Protestant, or non-Christian) and asking themselves the same types of questions we were. Our hope for Loss and Gain is to provide resources from the Church’s magisterium and from our own personal experiences that might help seekers feel just a little less lonely as they discern the path God has called them on.
One thing that marks Newman’s work and life is his commitment to both intellectual rigor and personal humility. All too often (and tragically, some of us know this from our own past mistakes), converts to Catholicism can view their newfound faith as a prize for having won the intellectual debate started at the Reformation. “God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.” We have all seen bitter wars on Facebook and Twitter between Catholics and Protestants; at Loss and Gain, we seek to pursue an ecumenism that is premised neither on shallow compromise (we do believe the Catholic Church is what She says She is, and that God wants all Christians to be united as Catholics in communion with the Pope) nor on beating other Christians over the head with a spirit of arrogance. Loss and Gain is primarily focused on sharing resources with Protestants who are interested in learning more about Catholicism, through the lens of our experiences as former ministers. We are committed to avoiding "online controversy" by which we mean "arguing in bad faith or using ad hominem attacks." Our hope is to provide resources and to evangelize about the blessings we have found in the Catholic Church. We hope others will come to the Catholic faith as a result, but we do not seek empty proselytization absent of charity and modeling of good works, which Pope Francis has warned Catholics against repeatedly.
By providing links to resources from the Church’s Magisterium and by writing articles and blogposts from our unique perspective, we hope to simply walk alongside seekers and the “Catholic-curious” in a judgment-and-controversy-free space. Our contact information is included on the page, along with a promise to receive questions charitably and in complete confidence (we know what it’s like to be receiving a paycheck–not to mention a sense of duty and loving care for a flock–from a denomination we are secretly considering leaving). Thanks be to God, our community continues to grow and we continue to see the fruit of the vision of the Church’s wisdom in teachings like Ut unum sint, Unitatis redintegratio, and Anglicanorum coetibus. We are grateful for Pope Francis’ evangelical vision, and pray, with Our Lord, that Loss and Gain might have a tiny role to play in His desire that we all may be One, as He and the Father are One.
Shea Gilliland is an editor at Loss & Gain. He studied theology at Criswell College, Nashotah House Seminary, and Duke Divinity School prior to his ordination for ministry in The Episcopal Church. He and his family came into full communion with the Catholic Church in 2018 via the Ordinariate of the Chair of St. Peter.
The Loss & Gain editors contributed to this essay.
Learn more about Loss & Gain; go to LossAndGain.org
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